virus for polticians

The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India. Better beware of them.


P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:

First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before
executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times
and finally does nothing.



V.P. Singh Virus:

This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them
only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used
instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions.
This virus is also known as social justice virus.



Sukh Ram Virus:

This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and
then executes them.



Maneka Gandhi Virus:

This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were
written by vegetarians or animals.



L.K. Advani Virus:

This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can
continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.



K.P.S. Gill Virus:

Only ladies need to worry about this virus.Every now and then the
users get a whack, you know where.



Phoolan Devi Virus:

This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page
faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s
birthday.



Deve Gowda Virus:

The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all
the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request
for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are
available or not.



Jayalalitha Virus:

This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus
family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is
totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus
blames the user for the whole chaos.



I.K.Gujral Virus:

Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the
approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses
blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not
execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always,
this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all
major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the
replies.



Veerappan virus:

This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and
releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but
suddenly reappears.



Laloo Yadav virus:

A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the
data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename
its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus
takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.



Mulayam Virus:

Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only
task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by
sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.



Sonia Gandhi Virus:

Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can
detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people
use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.



Kashi-Maya Virus:

It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination
amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority
resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it.
Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

Bush and Kalam

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!".

If Sonia Gandhi became PM of India

Top Ten list ...If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime Minister....

10.There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India
and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!!

9. Their only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and
it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!!

8. All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and
Pasta.

7. India's National Sport will be - Ofcourse Soccer.

6. Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and
will be replaced by Jayalalitha!

5. National vegetable-Zucchini

4. There will be Pope John Paul's 'yearly' visit - twice
every year!!

3. Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to "Michaelangelo's
Confetti house"!!

2. Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts!!

And ...the number one thing that will happen if Sonia
Becomes the Prime Minister of India is.....

1.All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions
because she thinks they are all ITALIANS!! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani
......resemble Mussolini, Gianini, Benini etc.....*Kulkarni
also have a fair chance*...)

If Laloo became PM of India

Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes
to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif.They decide to meet without
aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.


Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement.
"Nawazbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Nawaz Sharif
comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims
on Kashmir, with no strings attached!


The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had
failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press
clamours.


"Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the Akai company people)
says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge doonga, video
khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone
free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir
chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!" (SO, I said
to Nawazbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free
with it!")

telugu poltical jokes

Gulabi andam kanna…
Sampangi suvasana kanna….
Mallela telladanam kanna….
Nee snehame naaku minna!!!
`
Marapu raani teepi gurtuvi neevu.
Karagi poni kaantivi neevu.
Kammani kavithaku artham neevu.
Undali kalakalam anandamga neevu!
`
Sneham honey kanna Sweetest.
Sneham evarest kanna Tallest.
Sneham moon kanna Coolesy.
Sneham adi neevaite Greatest.
Mana Sneham eppudu elage vundalani naa Request.